Talking to my children about sex has been something on my TERRIFYING list. I had no idea where I was even going to start.
The one thing I did know: I wanted to be the first to talk to my kids about sex.
Armed with that information, I set out to find the best resources I could.
After much research, we decided on these two books:
From my first read through of How To Talk To Your Kids About Sex:
- I was encouraged to start early and armed with when, how, and even ideas on what to say.
- Linda and Richard do a wonderful introduction on how parents can expect sexual purity with their children even if it is something they themselves did not uphold.
- It breaks it down by age group.
- It presents sex as a beautiful, wonderful, amazing act that your child will get to experience with their spouse one day.
The book suggests that you do your first BIG talk at the age of 8. Since my oldest just turned 9, we did it this week after his birthday.
Since my oldest just turned 9, we did it this week after his birthday.
Our location was a park picnic table with just my son, my husband, and myself.
Let me share with you our sample dialogue:
Part 1 – You are so amazing!
We wanted the first thing out of our mouth to be positive.
We started off the conversation by telling him how wonderful, awesome, and amazing he is and how God made him in His own image.
Several months back and leading up to his birthday, we had told him that we had a secret to tell him.
“Since God made you so special and we are so awesome, then this awesome secret that we want to tell you about is how a person is made.”
Part 2: See how much your child already knows
We then asked a series of questions “Where do babies come from?”, “How did they get there?”, and “Who should become parents?”.
We really wanted to see what he already knew, which was nothing (this means we had this conversation at exactly the right time) and to reiterate the point that only married couples who love one another should become parents.
Part 3: Lead into the conversation
We then asked him how he showed love.
His answer was a big hug.
This allowed us to introduce sex as a bigger, better hug that husbands and wives get to do.
This is the point where we showed the book Where Do I Come From?
We read each page to him and looked at the pictures together.
The illustrations in this book are hilarous, but they do the job!
Once the book was read, we again asked if he had known any of that. He had never heard of sex or heard any of his friends talking about it.
Again, I feel like this reiterates the point that the Eyres make about not missing the window to be the first to talk to your kids about sex.
Part 4: Let your child know to always come to you with questions.
We then wanted to tell him that it was so cool that he knew about this special hug, but that it was not time to share this with his siblings or friends yet.
Sex is not something that we talk about with everyone, but we wanted to make sure that he knew to always come to us.
We told him that sometimes kids will make fun of sex because they do not know the big picture or God’s plan for sex.
We also told him that you might see or hear things that do not always go with what we just talked to you about.
We kept focusing on the fact that he just needed to come to us for any questions that might come up.
Part 5: Touch on the future.
We did a quick talk about how someday he would go through puberty and became a man. But that does not mean he is ready for sex. You will only want to share this with one person.
“Someday you will fall in love and you will want to share all that love with one person. So we save that special hug, that you now know is called sex, for that one person with who you will spend your whole life with.”
Our last couple of points were that sex does not always create a baby. It depends on God’s timing and the timing of a woman’s body.
We also did a super quick chat that having sex with more than one person can cause you to get really sick.
Part 6: Time for Questions (& a little bit of humor!)
His first question: “So you and mom have done this sex thing 5 times??”
Since we have 5 kids, he assumed that was it! We went back over the part about how sex does not always create a baby.
His second point: “This is crazy!”
He was amazed by what we taught him.
Maybe you are thinking that this will never work for you. Let me leave you with some encouragement.
A couple of encouraging pointers:
- It is never too late to talk to your children about sex. The Eyres go into a lot of detail about this in their book so I know you will be able to find information on talking to your children at any age.
- The book explains how we want to be “the teacher, manager, and consultant” to our children about all things related to sex.
- If you are a single parent, the Eyres encourage you as well.
- Talking about sex can be embarrassing and intimidating. Having these the two books made a huge difference.
We also will talk to our children each birthday after the BIG talk to elaborate on the subject and deal with anything that has arisen.
My biggest prayer is that the lines of communication about sex are always open.
This starts with the BIG talk and moves forward with always being there for our children.
They will have questions, they will need answers, and most importantly, they need our support.
We can change the way our children view sex and raise a generation that is sexually pure.
We can change our culture by raising children who view sex in a healthy light.
It is up to us. This is intentional parenting.
Knowing what we want the future to hold and having conversations with our children about the hard stuff will make all the difference.